R & R for Sunday, November 21st, 2010

R AND R TIP #24: REFRESH your attitude

We're all very much aware how time goes by so quickly. We're more than half way through November and the weeks seem to be flying by. Much of our time and what happens in our lives is outside our control. But much of it is very much within our sights too, particularly what is happening in the present moment. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago. Nothing is as close as right now.

Today I'm sharing some tips that you can start implementing today to help improve and elevate your altitude.

Pause. Remember the old saying stop and smell the rosea? Well...stop means pause.

Breathe. Nothing helps to foster mental clarity more effectively than a few deep, meaningful breaths. (Why not take a few deep breaths now?)

Question better. You should ask yourself these two very important questions, and ask them often, What's good in my life right now? and when events happen,What's good about this situation? And then with an open mind, let your brain search for answers. Your brain will come up with great answers, because these are great questions. Now do the math: Great questions + great answers = great attitude. Bad questions + bad answers = bad attitude.

Remember more things that really matter. Close your eyes for a moment, and think about a time when everything seemed to be going your way... Really focus on that feeling. Did you know that it's possible to experience that feeling again?

Forget things that don't really matter. Spend your valuable time focusing on what you want, and simply forget about what you don't want. Anything that you put energy into expands. And if you forget about it, it magically dissolves from your experience. What do you need to forget about and let go?

Smile more. Sure, we’ve all heard it before. But let’s not forget the importance of a smile and what it can do to change our mindset and physiology almost instantly

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it, and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give

Author Unknown

Smiles are free, yet pay big dividends. Your attitude ALWAYS improves when you share a smile. And if you can let it become a laugh, you'll take your attitude to a whole new level. Laugh often.

Dream big. When you were young, your dreams were BIG. But somewhere along the line, you may have had your dreams mocked, ridiculed, doubted, or even crushed. Your dreams and your imagination are the keys to a lifetime of joy, fun, and freedom. Keep your dreams alive, and spend time daily thinking about them and what actions your can start taking today in pursuit of those dreams.

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day

Author Unknown

See you all next Sunday!

Love, Live, Laugh and Be Happy!

ma

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Earlier this week a family member was "hurt" because her grandfather had not acknowledged her high school graduation.  She just graduated about 2 weeks ago, quite late and at an unusual time.  She did not send out announcements, but made an "announcement" on facebook that most family members never even saw.  A niece mentioned to her that it was her responsibility to contact grandpa and that facebook was NOT the place to make that statement and expect recognition from everyone and that she should have sent out announcements or that the very least made personal phone calls.  The grand daughter disagreed. 

I openly admit that I'm old school.  I do expect an announcement and/or invitation to arrive in my mail box for things like high school graduations, weddings, showers and such.  I also expect a thank you card for the gifts sent for these events.  After all, it is common courtesy and also a good way to stay in touch with family and friends.   

EVERYONE loves getting snail mail - especially happy news snail mail!  

Ironically, I received a Dear Abby email a few days later that addresses this very subject and is perfect timing for the upcoming holiday season. 

DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, "Santa" always fills my children's stockings with a mix of fun, edible and practical items. A few years ago, when my oldest child was beginning to write, my husband and I started the tradition of tucking packets of thank-you cards into their stockings.

We explained that Santa must have given them the cards so they would have stationery to write thank-you notes to family and friends for the gifts they had received. The cards are a wonderful reminder to my children that they need to express their gratitude to those who have spent time and money to buy and send them a gift. Usually there are cards left over to cover thank-you notes at birthday time as well.

Unfortunately, these days, not enough people -- even adults -- take the time to write a note of appreciation for presents they are given. I believe parents should encourage children to do this as soon as they are able to understand the concept. I hope my husband and I are instilling a lifelong habit in our children. Abby, can you help get the point across? -- THANKFUL MOM IN BRUNSWICK, MAINE

DEAR THANKFUL MOM: Gladly. You are teaching your children an important lesson. It's a formality that started being ignored decades ago. Then, as years passed, it was a custom that was not just ignored, but many people forgot it existed. The result was that parents who hadn't been taught the social niceties did not teach them to their children.

When I publish letters about thank-you notes, I invariably receive an avalanche of letters and e-mails from readers complaining that they are hurt and offended because they don't receive thank-you notes. Some individuals use texts and e-mails to acknowledge gifts. However, for most people a handwritten note is much more memorable. Thanking someone for a gift, an invitation to a party or a kind deed in writing is important.

While composing a letter may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication. It shows effort, and can become a keepsake. For those people who have difficulty expressing their thoughts, my booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" covers a few basic rules for acknowledging gifts, expressing sympathy and accepting or declining an invitation. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Not everyone can write letters that are literary masterpieces, but for anyone who wonders how to put in writing a brief, charming thank-you note, a letter expressing congratulations, a love letter -- or one that announces a broken engagement -- my booklet will serve as a guide to those who have put off writing because they didn't know what to say, how to say it, or even how to begin.

Because the season for exchanging gifts is nearly here, "Thankful Mom," your letter is an important and timely one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

©2009 Universal Press Syndicate

You can find me at my home blogs 3 Sides of Crazy. Always Eat On The Good China, on Saturdays at THE Motivation Station on Sundays here at OUR KrAzY kitchen.

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Frugal Fridays With Jen- Frugal Thanksgiving

I'll tell you the best way to save money on food, as we all learned this week- it's to be so sick that you can't keep down anything more than a slice of toast a day. Ugh :(.

Today I leave you with a few quick links I've bookmarked myself with frugal Thanksgiving ideas. Any ideas of yours are always welcome! Right now I'm on the search for a dairy-free (or able to be made with dairy-free margarine) dessert that can travel 5 hours and still survive.

Frugal menu with prices included from Southern Savers. You can probably find comparable prices in your local area.

Tips for keeping your holiday cost down from Financial Highway.

Great roundup of frugal decorating ideas from Tip Junkie. I think even my craft-challenged self could make the homespun-looking burlap table runner.

Don't let anything go to waste! Use up that leftover turkey with this list of recipes from allrecipes. And if you're sick of turkey- freeze it and use it a couple months down the road, when you are less turkeyed out.

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Thursdays With Linda: Holidays…

Here at The Motivation Station we strive to motivate and inspire… However even the best motivators get a little down now and then… Life happens to all of us and how we deal with it is what inspires others…

The holidays are upon us… And even though they are meant to be the happiest time of the year, they can also be a bit sad…

So for this Thursday I am sharing some tips I found to help us look forward to the upcoming holidays…

The Following Tips were found at the MayoClinic.com

Recognize holiday triggers

Learn to recognize common holiday triggers, so you can disarm them before they lead to a meltdown:

• Relationships. Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify — especially if you're thrust together for several days. On the other hand, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and leave you feeling lonely and sad.
• Finances. With the added expenses of gifts, travel, food and entertainment, the holidays can put a strain on your budget — and your peace of mind. Not to mention that overspending now can mean financial worries for months to come.
• Physical demands. Even die-hard holiday enthusiasts may find that the extra shopping and socializing can leave them wiped out. Being exhausted increases your stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep — good antidotes for stress and fatigue — may take a back seat to chores and errands. To top it off, burning the wick at both ends makes you more susceptible to colds and other unwelcome guests.

The Following Tips were found at the MayoClinic.com

Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
3. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can't come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videotapes.
4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression too.
5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.
9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Take control of the holidays

Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you may find that you enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you could.

Happy Holidays…

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To Every Thing there is a Season

This post is dedicated to MarthaM and her family, and everyone, (including myself), whose holiday season is also marked with Grief.

Thanksgiving used to be my most favorite holiday, I have delightful memories of warm and wonderful times with my family.

That all changed when my older brother, Jim died 26 years ago at the age of 24 years old, on Thanksgiving Day. We were very close, I miss him still.

It was a very dark and sad time for our family, and for me. I went through such a period of self destruction, I sometimes am amazed that I survived at all. I couldn't let my parents bury two children, and I struggled through that part of the grief process with good counseling and support. I learned how important it is to take care of yourself during the acute grieving process.

I work to honor the love, life, and spirit of my brother, grandparents, and all my lost loved ones by creating new memories and sharing traditions with our children, family, and friends. This is their due, their right, my privilege, to share their stories and lives, and keep their love alive, and part of our lives, every day, especially during the holidays.

From the Book of Ecclesiastes, words attributed to King Solomon, popularized by The Byrds' song, Turn!Turn!Turn!

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

For those who are grieving this season, you are not alone, I abide with you.

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Tuesdays With Kris: Go-To-Dishes

We all have that one go-to dish that we run to when we are pressed for time or are in need of something nutritious. After my usual weekend of overindulgence I normally crave this dish. And crave and feast I did!

Brown Rice with Savory Sweet Beans

(serves 2 for dinner, and 1 for lunch the entire week- almost)

About 4 cups cooked brown rice.
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 pinches red pepper flakes
1 12oz can black beans, rinsed
1 12oz can tomatoes with chilies
1 12oz can sweet corn
Zest and juice of lime (you can squeeze juice in when serving each plate)
1 cup chopped cilantro
7 chopped scallions
salt and pepper to taste

In a large sauce pan. Heat oil and 2 minced garlic cloves. Add 2 pinches red pepper flakes and let soften. Add in 1 can black beans, 1 can tomatoes with chilies, and 1 can sweet corn. Bring to simmer for about 5-7 minutes. Zest 1 lime into the beans. Take off heat and let cool a bit. Add 1 cup chopped cilantro and 7 chopped scallions. Season with salt and pepper. Serve with rice, sour cream and extra lime wedges. SO TASTY and HEALTHY!

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GRIEF and the HEALING of POSITIVE EMOTIONS

Many of you already know that Martha's mother, Virginia, passed away quietly in her sleep this past Friday.  Martha has been struggling and juggling the responsibilities of her own family, a full time job and caring for her mother for quite some time now.

Martha contacted me and asked me to fill in for her on Monday.  No problems right?  Wrong, the more I thought about it the harder it became to find a subject that respected the gravity of the situation.  Then my husband came up with it.  Despite some of my own heavy posts this year due to elder care issues, the thing I am known for with my family and friends is my positive attitude.  In fact one night when hubby had had a few to drink (don't tell him I told you this) he told me that I was a real witch (okay, he used another word) because I could find the positive in ANYTHING - nothing ever got me down!  I'm not sure that is entirely accurate, but it was his perception and is a good place to focus.  So, I did some research today and found these thoughts:

Research on grief has previously focused primarily on negative emotions, such as depression, anger, anxiety, and guilt.  But, what about positive emotions, such as gratitude, pride, hope, and love?

Positive emotions are surprisingly prevalent among the bereaved, even relatively soon after the loss.

Positive emotions need not be intense or prolonged to produce beneficial effects. In fact, mourners with just a minimal amount of positive emotions and a great deal of negative emotion do better than those with no positive emotions at all.

Positive and negative emotions are independent of one another, and co-occur along side of one another.

Positive emotions play a role in regulating depression and other negative emotions that are associated with grief. 

Those who show more positive emotions in the first few months following the loss are likely to exhibit less grief and distress in the future.

Shifting mourners’ focus from negative emotions to positive ones provides a psychological break or respite, and also allows them to replenish their resources. 

Positive emotions can improve the way people cope with their loss.  As a result of gaining some distance from negative emotions and being restored and replenished by positive emotions, mourners are more able to focus their attention on the tasks that are most important to them and make progress on these tasks.

Focusing on What Matters Now
This approach for enhancing positive emotions asks mourners to consider the following question:  given everything that has happened, what matters to me at this point in my life?  

To some people, what matters now is working to prevent what happened to their loved one from happening to others.  Such individuals are often drawn to organizations such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving, where they are able to contribute energy and passion to the cause.            

It is important to note that for the bereaved person, what matters now may not be the same as what mattered before the loss.  

Utilizing these approaches can empower mourners and help them reclaim control of their lives. The research shows that just a small increase in positive emotions can produce beneficial effects.  The more one engages in these practices, the more positive emotions will continue to increase.  This can result in an upward spiral of wellbeing characterized by better relationships within the family, a greater feeling of connection with extended family and friends, and a greater appreciation for what is important. 

Martha will be back with us on Monday the 22nd.  Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

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