GRIEF and the HEALING of POSITIVE EMOTIONS

Many of you already know that Martha's mother, Virginia, passed away quietly in her sleep this past Friday.  Martha has been struggling and juggling the responsibilities of her own family, a full time job and caring for her mother for quite some time now.

Martha contacted me and asked me to fill in for her on Monday.  No problems right?  Wrong, the more I thought about it the harder it became to find a subject that respected the gravity of the situation.  Then my husband came up with it.  Despite some of my own heavy posts this year due to elder care issues, the thing I am known for with my family and friends is my positive attitude.  In fact one night when hubby had had a few to drink (don't tell him I told you this) he told me that I was a real witch (okay, he used another word) because I could find the positive in ANYTHING - nothing ever got me down!  I'm not sure that is entirely accurate, but it was his perception and is a good place to focus.  So, I did some research today and found these thoughts:

Research on grief has previously focused primarily on negative emotions, such as depression, anger, anxiety, and guilt.  But, what about positive emotions, such as gratitude, pride, hope, and love?

Positive emotions are surprisingly prevalent among the bereaved, even relatively soon after the loss.

Positive emotions need not be intense or prolonged to produce beneficial effects. In fact, mourners with just a minimal amount of positive emotions and a great deal of negative emotion do better than those with no positive emotions at all.

Positive and negative emotions are independent of one another, and co-occur along side of one another.

Positive emotions play a role in regulating depression and other negative emotions that are associated with grief. 

Those who show more positive emotions in the first few months following the loss are likely to exhibit less grief and distress in the future.

Shifting mourners’ focus from negative emotions to positive ones provides a psychological break or respite, and also allows them to replenish their resources. 

Positive emotions can improve the way people cope with their loss.  As a result of gaining some distance from negative emotions and being restored and replenished by positive emotions, mourners are more able to focus their attention on the tasks that are most important to them and make progress on these tasks.

Focusing on What Matters Now
This approach for enhancing positive emotions asks mourners to consider the following question:  given everything that has happened, what matters to me at this point in my life?  

To some people, what matters now is working to prevent what happened to their loved one from happening to others.  Such individuals are often drawn to organizations such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving, where they are able to contribute energy and passion to the cause.            

It is important to note that for the bereaved person, what matters now may not be the same as what mattered before the loss.  

Utilizing these approaches can empower mourners and help them reclaim control of their lives. The research shows that just a small increase in positive emotions can produce beneficial effects.  The more one engages in these practices, the more positive emotions will continue to increase.  This can result in an upward spiral of wellbeing characterized by better relationships within the family, a greater feeling of connection with extended family and friends, and a greater appreciation for what is important. 

Martha will be back with us on Monday the 22nd.  Please keep her and her family in your prayers.